Yes, I can vote in Spain.

Little known fact: I am a dual citizen with the USA and Spain.

My mom was born in Cuba, moved to Spain, and never naturualized here. She actually has a “resident alien” card in her wallet. When I found it when I was six I pulled it out and she told me she was a real alien. I didn’t exactly believe her, but I was worried for the rest of the evening. Welcome to my mother.

This would be a pretty cool privilege if 1) I remembered ever having visiting Spain (haven’t been since I was eight months) and 2) if I could, uh, speak Spanish fluently. I know, I know. WHY THE HELL DON’T YOU SPEAK IT FLUENTLY? BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS SPEAK IT FLUENTLY! Well, guess what? I was born in 1986. My mom had a foon-e accent that prevented her from getting a job in said period. It didn’t help that I started life in an Arizona border town. So, my parents resolved to make sure I didn’t learn Spanish growing up so I wouldn’t suffer the consequences of having an accent. I have to admit, they sheltered me from a great deal of discrimination by doing what they did.

Either way, when I was around 16 my mom decided to make my sister and I residents of Spain. Free healthcare (in Spain), free education (in Spain), and work or travel anywhere in the EU. Again, I know. A lot of kids I know would love what I’ve got, but you don’t have to deal with one thing… You don’t have to vote!

Every year I have to vote in the Spanish elections. Let me tell you, it is a goddamn process. We have two parties, they have a stack of them.

I get an envelope with around 30 ballots. I have to pick a couple, stuff them in another envelope, and send it on their way. Beside the language barrier, It’s hard enough making a choice in American elections with two parties let alone with countless parties (albeit, last time was a no-brainer). Anyway, I had to pick between the equivalent of our green party and the communist party (with the marijuana party thrown in there for good measure).

It was all moot, though, since my mom just told me that the elections already passed a couple of weeks ago. What’s “fuck my life” en español?